Kevin Sypniewski is the founder and CEO of AGIS Network. In his chat with elder care expert and regular CareStation contributor, Doctor Marion Somers, she offers him some of her insights into the most challenging aspects of geriatric care. Doctor Marion describes the most common pitfalls for family members–and gives a wide range of solutions–in this week’s conversation.

Kevin Sypniewski: What are some of the biggest challenges you face in your daily interactions with elders and caregivers given you’ve been dedicated to geriatric care for over three decades?

Doctor Marion: One of the biggest challenges is getting both the elder and the caregiver to become proactive regarding their health, finances, and other vital needs. When an elder’s needs go from a few hours of daily caregiving to full time, the impact can be very substantial on everyone. It’s crucial to be proactive and realistic. Using this approach can alleviate stress and strain. It won’t eliminate tough challenges, but it can prevent emergency situations. This also allows both the elder and the caregiver to think more clearly and then plan an agenda to move forward. It gives the elder and caregiver a chance to come together so that achievable goals can be set.

Another common issue is that primary caregivers often try to do too much. When an elder requires more attention, all family members can become strained. I’m talking about jobs, families, finances, social lives, and free time. It’s vital that caregivers do not take on too much, or else they run the risk of seeing their own health decline. Many times, I’ve witnessed a caregiver pass on before their elder, so this “overdoing it” should be avoided at all costs. Primary caregivers must learn to ask others for help and to delegate tasks when possible.

Kevin Sypniewski: Given that much of this caregiving is done by family members, what is the number one issue the family (especially siblings) faces and do you have any tips on that?

Doctor Marion: The number one issue is to be realistic. Caregivers can easily become overwhelmed by the tasks at hand, and they can quickly get lost in a caregiving fog that changes their daily reality. It’s very important to ground yourself in reality as a caregiver.

Knowing your elder’s specific situation helps tremendously. Work with doctors, layers, accountants, and other professionals if needed to determine if your elder’s difficulties are physical, mental, financial, medical, transportation related, legal, nutrition, living environment, or some combination of these issues. The challenges are usually quite complicated and interrelated, but if you don’t start by being realistic, you won’t be able to make much forward progress.

Once you look at the big picture, you have to break it down into the various categories such as the 10 steps I go into detail in my first book (Communication, Safety, Lifestyle, Adapted Equipment, Financial, Legal, Mobility, Housing, Hiring Help, and Letting Go). From there, you can start accomplishing things. It can be truly transformational to reach one goal, even if it is something as simple as hiring a reputable cleaning service to come in once a month. Now that you know that task is handled, it frees you up to improve other situations. The momentum is powerful.

Kevin Sypniewski: What do you offer as the most important thing a caregiver can learn to help facilitate quality of life for elders?

Doctor Marion: Communication is incredibly important when you are a caregiver. I suggest you ask your senior, “What do you want and need? What are your concerns? And how can I help you?” Open the lines of communication and let him or her know that you are listening. This way, you’ll know what they really want, and you can align your goals with theirs in a direct and positive way.

Don’t forget that your elder has the right to decide things for themselves. Even though a caregiver’s motive may come from good intentions, you never want to override your elder’s personal needs and interests as long as he or she is competent to provide direct input.

Just as important in all of this is that you, as a primary caregiver, must learn to take care of yourself. You are the central source of energy to deal with your elder’s various challenges, and if you fall apart, there might not be anybody else to take care of your elder. Don’t let your own personal and professional life fall apart. Take time for yourself. Ask others for help. Hire professionals when possible. Get enough exercise, and eat right. In many ways, this can be the most important part of having a positive caregiving experience.

Kevin Sypniewski: Are you tracking any current legislation in the eldercare arena and if so, which ones? How can the average person help make a difference?

Doctor Marion: No matter how sick someone may be, they can still vote. Every vote can make a difference, so I encourage everyone, young and old, to vote. Absentee ballots are easily obtainable as long as you request one far enough ahead of time. Become informed about the issues that you find most important, and learn how your representatives are voting on the issue. This is much easier these days with the Internet and the many debates that take place on TV.

Filed under: Doctor Marion, Eldercare, Expert