(Editor’s Note: As part of AGIS desire to share stories about caregiving and being a caregiver we want to share this story by Julie, one of the members of the AGIS team. We’d love to hear your own personal stories, please send them to us using our contact form or by emailing us at feedback @ agis.com. If you wish to remain anonymous just indicate that in the email*.)

 

We talk all the time about how caregiving would be so much easier if we talked and made plans before the onset of a caregiving event. But how do you actually get the ball rolling?

I have experienced first hand, with my grandfather and then my husband’s grandfather, how difficult it can be when the these decisions are not discussed and wishes made clear prior to dementia setting in. But how do you broach the subject with perfectly healthy people and talk about these things while someone has all their faculties about them?

This weekend my mom came to visit and it was the perfect time to have a talk. Funny, she started the conversation with me by saying “Whatever happened to that insurance you were talking about having me get.” She was talking about a Long Term Care Insurance plan and she was right – it was time to get started on that. Both my company and my brother’s companies have plans that are extensible to family members, so I told her I would review both plans and find out which one was better. It was easy from there to talk about how and where she would like to be cared for and end of life plans. But in order to make these plans stick, we need not only her living will, but we need to make sure she is taken care of financially. I know my husband’s grandfather doesn’t even know what bank he goes to anymore. There was no easy way to broach the subject.

“So mom, is there someone who knows where all your bank accounts are and can get access to help you manage your funds if you lose your marbles? I hate to bring it up but there is no use having this conversation at a time when it is too late to remember.” I said it with enough humor that she was able to just laugh and say “You never have been one to beat around the bush have you.” We had a good laugh and then set about putting together a plan to get everything in order. And as we were planning for her, I realized I better get this together for myself and my husband as well. Because you just never know when it will be too late for advanced planning.

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Filed under: Caregiving, Long Term Care, Stories