Usually a story of a husband starting up a relationship with another woman is the subject of gossip and back room whispering, but for former Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O’Connor, her husband’s new romance is not cause for jealousy – instead, she’s glad.

17 years ago John O’Connor was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. in 2005 Sandra Day O’Connor retired from the Supreme Court, citing her husband’s illness and her need to take care of him as her reason for retirement. Recently John O’Connor was moved into a new cottage at the assisted-living facility where he is living, and he fell in love with a fellow resident with Alzheimer’s.

“Mom was thrilled that Dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here and wasn’t complaining.” said Sandra’s son.

It was different when he first came to the center, the son said: “He knew this was sort of the beginning of the end … It was basically suicide talk.”

John O’Connor was shifted to another cottage at the center and “48 hours after moving into that new cottage he was a teenager in love. He was happy.”

Lisa O’Toole, manager at the assisted-living facility, described the relationships at the facility as almost childlike, with the couples holding hands, hugging or simply having dinner together. She says the reactions from the families can be mixed. “I’ve seen total extremes where families just fall apart, the wife doesn’t understand, and they’ll cry. And then you have the other end, the opposite spectrum … that it’s OK that they have somebody to make them happy.”

According to Dr. Peter Reed, senior director of programs at the Chicago-based Alzheimer’s Association, it is understandable why relationships spring up among Alzheimer’s patients, because “Whether residents still have a spouse or whether their primary families are their children, people living in these situations are engaging each other all the time and are seeking human contact and seeking social relationships.”

“Imagine if all the people you know and loved disappeared,’’ said Dr. Richard Powers, chairman of the medical advisory board of the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. “Wouldn’t you want to find someone who was your friend, who would hold your hand and watch old television shows with you? The person with Alzheimer’s still searches for joy.”

As for the families, Dr. Powers says, “it’s not uncommon at all for families and spouses to allow this to go on, because it sustains a person’s happiness. Those of us who have had this disease in our families know you just have to roll with these changes. Let them have a friend, if it buys them a day of happiness.”

Did You Know?

• Every 72 seconds someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
• There are now more than 5 million people in the United States living with Alzheimer’s.
• The direct and indirect costs of Alzheimer’s and other dementias amount to more than $148 billion annually.
• Alzheimer’s is the most common dementia accounting for 50 to 70 percent of cases.
• Doctors can diagnose Alzheimer’s correctly up to 90% of the time.

from www.alz.org

Recently a film by Sarah Polley, Away from Her, was released and deals with this very issue.

The story centers around a couple who had been married for 50 years, Grant (Gordon Pinsent) and Fiona’s (Julie Christie). Fiona is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and moves into a care facility specializing in Alzheimer’s disease, Grant is not allowed to visit for the first month so she can “adjust”.

When he sees her again, Fiona has forgotten him and turned her affection to Aubrey (Michael Murphy), another resident in the home. Heartbroken, Grant visits daily, bearing witness to the growing bond between her and Aubrey. When Aubrey’s wife, Marian (Olympia Dukakis), takes Aubrey home, Fiona becomes deeply depressed, and Grant embarks of the greatest act of self-sacrifice of his life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ct7eXP-ivAk

Related News Stories:
KPNX- O’Connor Family Deals with Alzheimer’s.
Poynter Online - Behind the O’Connor Love Story.
USA Today - A New Page in O’Connors’ Love Story.

Resources from AGIS.com
Can Alzheimer’s Disease be Prevented?
Alzheimer’s and Dementia Facility Checklist
More Information on Alzheimer’s

Photo Credits:
Photo by Zack Seckler, AP. Image available at USAToday.com

Filed under: Alzheimer's