Most of us aren’t prepared when the responsibility of caring for aging parent lands in our lap.

Illness, disability and end of life are topics that adult children and their parents don’t typically discuss. Luckily there are more and more resources becoming available to help. The internet can be a great information resource to help you care for your parent, available twenty-four hours a day to answer questions, connect you with resources and provide emotional support.

Caregiving can be divided into different phases:

• Phase 1 - Understand Your Parent’s Situation and Locate Critical Information
• Phase 2 - Educate Yourself about Caregiving Alternatives
• Phase 3 - Build and Implement a Care Plan for Your Parent
• Phase 4 - Plan for the Long Term

The four phases make caregiving sound neat and tidy. But most families do not find it neat, tidy or particularly easy. While there are distinct activities in each phase, you may be performing some of them at the same time.

The caregiving experience usually starts from a place of crisis, you receive a call from the hospital, a neighbor or your parent. Your help is needed urgently. The situation may feel chaotic and scary.

Phase 1 - Understand Your Parent’s Situation and Locate Critical Information
As you enter the first phase, your challenges are to understand what has happened to your parent and take care of any short term priorities.Imagine receiving a long distance call that your mother has been picked up by the police for wandering around her neighborhood late at night in her nightgown. When the police found your mother to be disoriented they took her to the local emergency room for evaluation.

In this phase you begin gathering information by talking with the emergency room doctor who requests a complete list of your mother’s medication. You book a flight and plan to visit your mother’s home before going to the hospital to pick up all your mother’s medications.

Checklists can be vital during a time of crisis when it is difficult to focus. A checklist for tracking your mother’s medication ensure that you don’t forget important information.

Phase 2 - Educate Yourself about Caregiving Alternatives
In this phase, you begin to understand the long term implications of your parent’s situation, learn about your role as a caregiver and find resources to help with her care. You will learn about products and services you may not have been aware of before.

The social worker assigned to your mother at the hospital explains to you that your mother can no longer live on her own. You need to get up to speed fast on housing alternatives that would work for your mother.

Phase 3 - Build and Implement a Care Plan for Your Parent
Next you move on to the implementing care phase, where you build a plan that provides support and independence for your parent. You may be helping your parent move, hiring a home care agency to care for your parent at home or coordinating the help of family and friends to support your parent.

The key to implementing a successful care plan for your parent is to identify trusted local resources to help you.

Phase 4 - Plan for the Long Term
The final phase is creating a long term plan to help your parent. The crisis that your parent experienced may signal the beginning of a long term decline in her abilities or it may be a short term health crisis that she recovers from completely. In either case, take your experience as a reminder to plan for the future.

One important part of planning for the future is figuring out how you are going to pay for the care that is needed. Many people mistakenly believe that Medicaid or Medicare will cover all the costs. Be sure to familiarize yourself with these programs to understand how they work and what will be covered.

This is also the phase where you look for ways to bring your own life into balance. In a crisis, you have likely focused most of your attention on your parent and her needs. Now that the situation is more stable, you need to focus on balancing your parent’s needs with your family, career, relationships and health.

Caregiver stress is a serious health concern for family members caring for a loved one.

Sharing your stories and asking questions of other family caregivers can be very helpful. Support groups let you know that you are not alone.

Whether you are an experienced family caregiver or new to the caregiving experience, there are many resources to help you cope with the four phases of the caregiving process and help your parent while maintaining your health and well being.

Filed under: Caregiving